golfing with the dalai lama

When you get angry at someone else, that means you’re judging them.

If we’re not supposed to judge others, then we should not get angry.  Hard to do, but something to idealize.

It may be a long time between seeing someone you love or who has influenced you.  But, it’s only a few days at a time in-between, that we don’t recognize what effect those people have on our lives.

Everyone, like it or not, is a teacher and a coach. Most fight for what they believe is truth and the community, and if the benefits come, then they come because of that.

You know, that’s a real metaphysical approach to life.  As I get older, I see those things with more clarity.

Your life is your story. Just as so many great men before us.

• We’re born 
• We live 
• We have challenges, temptations and rewards 
• We die 
• We are reborn

That’s the metaphysical story.  Stories that are intended to teach us lessons.

Every day is a metaphorical story:

• We wake up 
• We face the daily negatives and positives 
• We end our day 
• We wake up the next morning

Even activities can be metaphorical:

• FIRE:
  • We start a fire
  • We need to feed that fire for it to remain lighted
  • We get warmth from that fire
  • If the fire dies, it’s because it is no longer being fed
• LIFE:
  • We are born
  • We are fed and cared for
  • We experience life
  • If we are not cared for or fed, we die
• GOLF:
  • We have a set of clubs
  • We practice
  • We get better
  • If we quit practicing, we get worse

Today, the metaphysical story is this:

• That person or you were born 
• They influenced, coached, taught, succeeded and faced many challenges 
• They died 
• They are reborn

But, what is being reborn?

• Memories are reborn a little in each of us in this room 
• We remember those people – they’re alive, their memory is alive, we remember them as alive
• But, more importantly, we allow those positive impacts on our lives to help lead us, guide us, and educate us through our days.

Who will you be in death?  How will your life be reborn in others? Will you be remembered as a friend and someone who has done many right things?  Do you need to know that you’ll have an afterlife in order to do good in this life?  Do you think that “dangling carrot” is noticeable to those around you?  Are you doing the right things for others … or for you?

Our friends, coaches, influencers and mentors live in each of us who they have affected. They’ve affected me.

Brother,

Politics, religion, and race seem to be today’s topics that most create divisions among people. Why? I think it’s because each of these broad areas is deeply rooted in core ethical values. And of course at certain points on the continuum these three areas are intertwined.

When it comes to religion, it’s been easy for me to reject those friends and acquaintances who promote a religion of hatred and fear. Their morals are so clearly wrong I have no problem saying “adios, it was never really all that nice knowing you anyway.” Same when it comes to race. When a friend makes his or her hatred of an entire people – or judges an individual based on color alone – that will be the last real interaction I have with them. In both cases, the decision is easy, because these are issues that for such people no amount of conversation or behavior modelling will have the least effect. And I choose not to be associated with such people. “You are the company you keep,” as the adage goes.

Only in the last couple of years have I come to the same conclusion about politics. And my standards are the same: do someone’s politics violate my standards of morals and decency in behavior toward others. There are conservatives who do not violate these standards, people you can discuss issues with and walk away saying “If it were left to you and me, we could work out our differences and run this country.” But if you can’t even have a civil and rational discussion, frankly these people have no respect for you and do not deserve your respect or friendship. I don’t know what leads certain people to lose their minds to irrational demagoguery and extremism. But I do know we must stand strong and confront it in a variety of ways: by how we conduct our personal interactions, by how we combat institutionalized unethical practices, by how we vote, and by who we associate with.

Does it increase division? Yes, but it’s a fundamental ethical not political division. And I have enough faith still that those espousing rightwing extremism will ultimately fade or be relegated to a minority with little influence. Until then though, we need to be strong in the face of what we know is wrong. I know this is not easy when it comes to lifelong friends. The only alternative in my opinion is an iron clad agreement to not discuss substantive topics, which makes the relationship pretty shallow and is usually impossible for extremists anyway.

Brother Lama

Dalai,

OK, here’s one for you.  I need advice.

There’s a line from the Big Chill, where Sam (the actor) was reminiscing about days at Michigan and he said something like: “I thought since they looked like us, and acted like us, that they were like us.”

I have friends from high school and college that I still have interaction with …  all of them were by “best friends” at one point in my life.  All are very successful – One, I know, got a $110,000 bonus a few years ago (he’s a banker); Another owns his own business and recently built a second home in Florida; A third owns his own business and just bought a second home ($750K) in Georgia.

I can’t talk politics with these guys at all. They pull out all the cards, like “Obama is not a citizen” or “Obama is a Marxist” or “Obama is a liar” – they stop short of saying what might be the real reason, which is the color of his skin.  But, they don’t appear, on the surface, to be racial bigots. I do know that there’s no sense in discussing these matters when they start spouting off things like, “I’ve done my research” or “what he’s done is contrary to the constitution.”  I’ve even been shown (proudly) pictures of them with Trump.  These are educated people, mind you.

What bothers me more than anything though is that they have no respect … they “despise” him, or they say “he’s never been my president” or “I hate him” or “He’ll bankrupt the US when he runs out of taking other people’s money, like us hard-working business people.”

Years ago, which I attribute to my journalism training, I refused to join either party.  But, it also felt good to me – I was resolved to not vote party line … I wanted to vote for whomever I thought was the best choice, regardless of their party.  Then, about 10 years ago, when talking with my then-boss, he said the only way to vote was party line, and that he would vote straight Republican ticket every time.  From then on, to cancel him out, I voted straight Democratic ticket.

Now, I worry that’s what everyone is doing.  Our polarization has grown – the right and the left appear to be pulling further apart and almost demanding that you take a side.  If I go back to voting for the “best” candidate, is that a non-vote? Have the politicians become so extreme, that there is no “best” candidate.

And, how do you treat your “friends”?  How can I be friends with these people? Do I just rely on new friends, friends whose ideology best aligns with mine?  How do you do it?

“Help me O-B1, you’re my only hope.”

Some may respond that FactCheck.org is not objective, but if they aren’t then who is? There’s good and bad in these numbers and, as Fact Check says: “We leave it to our readers to judge how much credit or blame the president deserves for what has happened on his watch, and we caution that no single number or collection of numbers can tell the entire story. What we offer here are some key yardsticks from sources we consider solid and reliable.”

Obama’s Numbers April 2016 Update

— Honoré de Balzac

I read this today, and I’m not sure I am in full agreement.  Granted, there is truth, but does not this discount rich good people?